How Much Time Should I Spend Developing Relationships at Work?

(This article was published on The Institute for Faith, Work & Economics blog in two parts. Click here for the first part and here for the second part. It was also posted in the Coram Deo blog here and here, as well as the Engage Work Faith blog.)

I have an important question to ask. I am sure I will receive a variety of responses.

When building relationships among our team members at work, how much time is too much?

This is a critical issue in every organization, unless of course you run your own company by yourself. Here is the dilemma. Which is more important – accomplishment of the mission or taking care of people? If we focus on just the mission, we might get our projects done on time and under budget, but at what cost to the team? If we focus exclusively on our people, will we be able to meet the quotas, requirements, and deadlines of our bosses, shareholders, and customers?

It’s somewhat obvious, isn’t it? Don’t we have to take care of both the mission and our team simultaneously, without sacrificing either one? If we lose our people, we can’t do the mission. If we have well cared for and deeply connected people, why have them if the mission isn’t done?

This subject is extremely important to me. I have been told by more than one supervisor that I spend far too much time building relationships through informal mentoring and basic care and concern for the members of my shop. To some, it may appear I am just joking around or wasting time. To the contrary, every dad joke, every story from way back when, and every personal question that I ask to show an interest in my coworkers has a clear purpose. Among many other things, it actually allows us to accomplish the mission because we have become a great team.

So, in an honest attempt to justify how I have come to do business with my small team in my Operations office over the past 14 years, let me dive in to the Word to see if I need to adjust.

What did Jesus do to build relationships?

I think it is safe to say that Jesus was in the relationship-building business. He had a small group of twelve devoted disciples and a larger group of maybe seventy followers that supported him in various ways. He knew that He had only three years to take this ragtag band of brothers and turn them into apostles to lead His church and spread His gospel to the uttermost parts of the world.

Jesus also was fully engaged in “divine appointments” throughout His day. Whether it was a child in need of resurrection, a tax collector in a tree who needed forgiveness and purpose, or a broken woman in need of a Savior, Jesus stopped what He was doing to meet these great needs.

Even in Jesus’ profession as a teacher or healer, He always seemed to be focused on the recipient of whatever it was that individual or group truly needed. No, Jesus never had to worry about a commission or production schedule, but every step of the way in the work that His Father called Him to do, He focused on meeting the needs of people, especially the least, the lost, and the last.

What did Paul do to grow leaders?

Paul was a driven leader. He had a calling from Jesus Himself to take the gospel to the Gentile world. He had places to go, people to see, and things to do. Unlike Naomi in the OT, he may have been considered by some to be ruthless. When it was time to go on a mission trip and one of his teammates was not on the same page, Paul cut him from the team. (See Acts 15:36-41.)

On the opposite end of the spectrum, when it came to building leaders in the churches that were established as a direct or indirect result of his evangelistic ministry, Paul was like no other. Here is what he said in his epistles, regarding his virtual customers that were under his mentorship.

Paul described his parental approach, “Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thess. 2:7-8). He continued, “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory” (1 Thess. 2:10-11).

What have I done to build my team?

I have been intentional and consistent in developing my employees. I set high standards and enforce them. I get them to think, feel, and act the way I would in certain situations. I train them on skills they may lack. I thank them for their efforts and help them improve when needed. I take a genuine interest in them, their families, and their military careers beyond this assignment. This takes time in daily conversations with all, some long, but most short. Even if what we talk about is not directly work-related, i.e., current events, sports, movies, etc., it all serves a purpose.

One of my sisters is a medical technician who has worked at the same hospital for forty years. She gives another reason to take time with your employees: “to train the young people learning to take my place. They need my wisdom and experience and stories from back in the day.” Developing young leaders not only sets them up for success, but also improves the organization.

When my folks depart, they go away knowing what they did made a difference. Whether they are moving to their next duty station or leaving the Army, they will leave here knowing what right looks like. In their next assignment, perhaps they can make a difference by passing on some of the lessons they learned under my leadership on how to treat folks with dignity and respect.

What is the right balance?

I think the right answer to my question about balance may be that “You will just know.”

It will be obvious when you’ve spent far too little time developing relationships among your team members if there is a preponderance of bad attitudes, fighting among coworkers, resistance to change, a weariness under the constant pressure, etc. Trust becomes non-existent and a sense of humor disappears. On the flip side, if there is not enough focus on making the mission happen, the organization begins to fail, causing it and its leaders to develop a bad reputation, customer loyalty diminishes, and the team will not be needed because the organization has become irrelevant. If you lose the parent company, the team disbands, and everyone loses in the end.

Investing in the talents, potential, and personal growth of the individuals on your team and building relationships among your team members will definitely have some heavy up-front costs. It does take time to stop looking at emails, not answering the phone, or planning a special event to close the door to get some one-on-one time with members of your team. You may have to find a way to be willing to make yourself vulnerable in group settings to share your some of your own weaknesses, which shows genuine humility to your team and encourages them to do the same.

However, I can tell you that when those teammates depart the organization, and they tell you and each of their team members by name that this was an amazing place to work because leaders truly cared for them and that we treated each other with dignity and respect, you will be moved to tears as I was recently. And you will know that without a doubt, you would not change a thing.

In the words of an officer who worked on my team for five months and just left, “Work isn’t so bad if you build yourself a home around it. And you certainly have created a home here, not just for yourself, but for others like me longing to be accepted, appreciated, and acknowledged.”

Yes, some may see that the time I spend to develop relationships in my section as a weakness. However, I know in my heart that God has called me to lead my team in this way. I hope that others are able to see the value in this approach, and that for a Christian leader, it is a wise one.

About the author:

Russell E. Gehrlein (Master Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired) is a Christian, husband of 41 years, father of three, grandfather of five, and author of the book, Immanuel Labor – God’s Presence in our Profession: A Biblical, Theological, and Practical Approach to the Doctrine of Work, published by WestBow Press in February 2018. He is passionate about helping people with ordinary jobs experience God’s presence and integrate their Christian faith at work. Russ received a B.S. in Mathematics from Colorado State University in 1980 and an M.A. in Biblical Studies from Grand Rapids Theological Seminary in 2015. He is a former junior/senior high school math and science teacher and youth minister. He served for 20 years on active duty and has worked for the past 14 years as a Department of the Army civilian at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Since 2015, he has written nearly 200 articles on faith and work topics. One hundred of these articles have been published on several Christian organization’s websites, including: the Center for Faith & Work at LeTourneau University, Institute for Faith, Work & Economics, Coram Deo, Nashville Institute for Faith + Work, Made to Flourish, The Gospel Coalition, and Christian Grandfather Magazine. (See list of published articles on Linktree.)