(Note: This article was published on the IFWE blog in two parts. Click here for Part 1 and here for Part 2. It was also posted on the Coram Deo blog in two parts, here and here.)
A few months ago, I wrote an article on how parents can successfully launch their children off to college or work. A key element in being able to do this well that I did not discuss in that article is having a good marriage.
Parents of children at this age are often in their mid-40s where many men and women struggle with mid-life issues. Marriages are fragile, even Christian ones. When your child is leaving the nest, it can add even more stress to your life together. Many couples may find it difficult to handle this transition in harmony.
My goal in writing this article is to explore marriage as a divine calling. It has much in common with other callings, such as medicine, teaching, or the military. How are we called to pursue it? How does God prepare us, provide for us, and protect our marriage? How do we overcome the unique thorns and thistles in this calling? How is God present in it? How does God use our marriage to love our neighbor?
How are we called to it?
In general, Christian men and women are called to pursue marriage and family life. Adam and Eve were commanded to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28). This command still applies to men and women today; it has not been rescinded. This “one flesh” union in marriage normally results in procreation, which fulfills this portion of the creation mandate. (See Gen 2:24.) Jesus Himself reemphasized the purpose and permanence of marriage in Matt. 19:4-6.
In between two passages on marriage, the Apostle Paul singles out two other callings. In 1 Cor. 7:17-24, he mentions the statuses of circumcision and slavery as categories that new Christians can fall into. His point is that new believers are not required to change their status at conversion. This implies that marriage is also a calling. Believers are not to avoid it, nor are they to try to get out of it in order to be more spiritual.
Just like other callings, God does not leave His children uninformed. The Bible provides some guidance for selecting a mate; i.e., do not be unequally yoked to an unbeliever (2 Cor. 6:14). Beyond that, we have to choose carefully, prayerfully, and wisely using the internal checklists that God writes on our hearts.
How does God prepare, provide, and protect?
In all career paths, God has a way of preparing us for our life’s work behind the scenes with desires, aptitudes, skills, spiritual gifts, experiences, and education. It also works this way as He prepares us for marriage. Sometimes, God prepares us for our life work through pain. In our families of origin, my wife’s parents handled conflict with the silent treatment. Mine did it through shouting matches. We decided to avoid both dysfunctional patterns and learn to resolve conflicts in a mature way.
God provides wisdom when we ask for it with regards to who we should marry. This wisdom is also available through every stage of the marriage. As we commit to this sacred relationship for life, God provides for us as we learn to obey what the Bible teaches about marriage.
God also protects us from dangers inside and outside the marriage. God kept us both faithful, despite two one-year unaccompanied tours in Korea and multiple separations while I was training.
Thorns and thistles in marriage
Let me begin by mentioning that Adam’s sin resulted in God putting a curse on work for all men and women that will last until Jesus returns. This curse makes work more difficult than necessary, which also impacts the relationship between husband and wife (Gen. 3:16-19).
All married couples figure out shortly after the “I do’s” that sometimes they would rather say, “I don’t.” We want the “for better” and would rather avoid the “for worse.” Until you live together 24/7, you really do not know a person. It is hard to put into practice all that the Bible teaches husbands and wives to do.
Every job will have its share of “thorns and thistles” Some are common, such as dealing with difficult customers and bosses; some are unique to that field. In marriage, the thorns and thistles that will come up appear in the form of interpersonal conflict, losses, and distractions. My wife and I and have worked together for over four decades, learning how to raise our children and launch them out into the world. As we have stood firm in the “for better and for worse” in every season of life, our marriage has gotten sweeter.
How is God present in it?
Here is a passage I read in my wedding vows I wrote for my bride that connects marriage to work: “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart” (Eccl. 4:9-12).
If you read this too fast, you might have missed the key phrase: “a cord of three strands.” My wife is one strand, I am another, and God is the third. God makes Himself known to us when we seek Him as a couple. He is clearly present in a Christian marriage that is founded upon and committed to the divinely designed purposes and principles found in the New Testament. (See Eph. 5:22-33 and Col. 3:18-19.)
How does God use our marriage?
As we have seen above, marriage, like other kinds of vocational callings, is characterized by God calling us to it, preparing us for it, providing for us in it, and protecting us from danger, as well as being very present with us. Like these other callings, God has a purpose for putting us where we are. We are placed as a couple where God needs us to be, scattered among the unbelieving world, shining light into dark places, and bringing hope where there is none. He wants us to be His coworkers to love our neighbors through our marriages.
In addition to the three children that God brought forth through this holy union and the five grandchildren that have come from their families, my wife and I have seen God use us to be a blessing to countless others as we have travelled all over the world as a military family. As we have worked together as a cord of three strands, we have given hope to many that a joyful marriage for a lifetime is real possibility.
Looking forward
I have to say that our marriage is way more than a divine calling. It is something we had to work hard at in order to succeed. But as I look back, it hardly seems like work. What motivated me to be the husband God called me to be is that I recognized from Day One that my wife was a gift from heaven above, one that I cherish because she is so precious to me. As I have pursued this relationship, God has clearly blessed.
I want to encourage those who have been blessed with a good marriage to keep going. Keep Christ in the center of your relationship as that “third strand” to make the rope able to withstand the demands placed on it. If you are in a season of struggling, do not hesitate to reach out to a Christian couple who seems to have a solid, but not perfect marriage and see if they can help. If your relationship is needing more professional assistance, please find it with a Christian counselor.
For those who are in the middle of trusting God to provide that special someone in your life, I encourage you to keep on seeking God’s face. Ask Him for wisdom to make the right choices, for patience as needed, and to not settle for anything less that God’s best for your life. He will lead, He will provide, and He will use you.
About the author:
Russell E. Gehrlein (Master Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired) is a Christian, husband of nearly 43 years, father of three, grandfather of five, and author of the book, Immanuel Labor – God’s Presence in our Profession: A Biblical, Theological, and Practical Approach to the Doctrine of Work, published by WestBow Press in February 2018. He received a Master of Arts in biblical studies from Grand Rapids Theological Seminary in 2015. He is passionate about helping his brothers and sisters in Christ with ordinary jobs to understand that their work matters to God and that they can experience His presence at work every day. He has written over 220 articles on a variety of faith and work topics; 60% of these have been published or posted over 260 times on several Christian organization’s websites, including the Institute for Faith, Work & Economics, Coram Deo, Nashville Institute for Faith + Work, Made to Flourish, The Gospel Coalition, and Christian Grandfather Magazine.
Reflections on Theological Topics of Interest 